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Snow Way Out/Transcript
A snowy mountain (A woodpecker pecks at a tree. A pine-cone falls and rolls down the mountain, becoming encased in an ever-larger snowball. A deer looks up as it passes.) A street in Danville (Several students are waiting for the bus. Milo traipses up to join them.) Milo: Hey, I like the snow suit. Zack: Just trying to be prepared. (Doofenshmirtz runs up to them.) Doofenshmirtz: (short of breath, stooping) You forgot your lunch. (hands it to Milo) Milo: Really? (takes it) Thanks! That's not like me. (Looks over it) Oh, this is Sara's. (He hands it back.) Doofenshmirtz: Sara? Uh, she's the, uh, she's the girl one, right? Yeah, okay. (pants) Alright, that's the last time I go to a rave on a school night. (Stands erect and goes off) Zack: So Doctor D still staying with you guys? Milo: Yup. Anyway, it's always good to be prepared, because when you're not, the chaos wins. Zack: I'm gonna try hard to stay confident today. No matter what happens. I'll just put a positive spin on everything like you do. Milo: Everything? Zack: Sure! For instance, if we got sucked up by a tornado, I could say, "Ah! Nice view!" Milo: Well, technically, you'd have to scream that because of the noise, but I like your attitude. (A great rumbling.) Uh, you might want to put on your helmet. (The snowball from earlier crashes through the fence and approaches them. Zack and Milo don their helmets.) Zack: Oh snap. (He and Milo run.) Here we go again! (Melissa walks on.) Melissa: Next time, I'm taking the snowball to school. Elsewhere in Danville (Zack and Milo are fleeing the great snowball. It overtakes and absorbs them. Diogee runs alongside.) Milo: Diogee! Go home! (Diogee crashes into a snowbank and turns round.) The bus stop Bradley: Okay, this time, those two are missing first period for sure. Melissa: I don't think so. Bradley: Really? Care to make another wager? Melissa: Bradley, I don't want to take your lunch again. Bradley: Okay then. Loser shovels the winner's driveway. Melissa: You had me at "Okay then. Loser shovels the winner's driveway." Cavendish' and Dakota's apartment Cavendish: Alright. (exhales deeply) We mustn't panic. Dakota: I'm not panicking. Cavendish: (pacing) You sent him the report? Dakota: Yes. (blows on a spoonful of soup) I sent him the report. Cavendish: And he hasn't responded? Dakota: No, he's not responding. (slurps some soup) Cavendish: Can you stop that incessant slurping?! Dakota: Oh, I think we both know the answer to that. (slurps long and defiantly) (Cavendish shouts. Dakota stops slurping.) Dakota: Look, I know you're anxious about what Block is gonna say, but we saved the world! Again! Cavendish: Yes, but he doesn't know that. He only knows that we disobeyed orders — again — and failed to save pistachios — again! (Dakota slurps some soup, but Cavendish forces Dakota's spoon down into the bowl. The inter-temporal communicator beeps, and Cavendish shrieks.) Dakota: Well, speak of the Devil. Cavendish: Don't answer it! We can't show fear. Now is not the time to panic. (Breathes deeply; the inter-temporal communicator continues to beep.) Alright, go ahead. (Dakota answers, but Cavendish cries out and drives a swivel chair through the communicator, destroying it.) Cavendish: Oh. I panicked. (A time vortex opens above them.) Dakota: Oh, crud. (They are taken into it.) Block's office (Cavendish and Dakota land prostrate before Block's desk.) Dakota: Oh, hey, how you doin'? Cavendish: Mr Block! Dakota: You two are in big trouble! You're going to the Supreme Tribunal! Cavendish: The Supreme Tribunal! Okay, again, we mustn't panic. Dakota: I'm not panicking. Cavendish: I was once a barrister in the Queen's court, and I can defend us. Dakota: Okay. Now I'm panicking a little. The snowball (Milo and Zack are rolling through town.) (Song: No Day Like a Snow Day) Singer: ♪ It doesn't matter whether the weather is fun ♪ ♪ If we're out in it together, then we'll have a good time ♪ ♪ Under heavy cloud cover or under the sun ♪ (The singer continues.) Zack: This is Easy Street compared to the stuff we've been through: alien abduction, runaway Hamosaurs, raccoons in the sewer — Milo: Technically, it was only one raccoon! Singular! Zack: Well, I have a good feeling about this! Not a bad one! A good one! Heh! ♪ There’s no day like a snow day for having fun ♪ (They roll into "Ye Oldé Winter Medieval Festival", causing chaos.) Fool: (ringing a bell) Native swords! Medieval weaponry! (looks back to see his booth crushed) Okay, tarps for sale. A single tent-shaped tarp for sale! ♪ Our physical acuity is something to behold ♪ ♪ On sled or skis or snowshoes, we’re getting around ♪ (Zack and Milo roll onto a catapult and are catapulted. They fall out of the snowball, and the medieval weaponry stuck in the snowball is flung out in all directions.) Zack: Incoming! ♪ We're slipping and we're sliding across the icy ground ♪ (They flee the falling armour.) ♪ Dispersing condensation is second to none ♪ (They start sliding across a frozen lake) Zack: Woo! Livin' the nightmare! On the positive side, we're not dead yet! ♪ There's no day like a snow day ♪ (The snowball full of weaponry rolls after them.) ♪ For having fun ♪ Zack: I did say "yet"! The Supreme Tribunal (Cavendish and Dakota are seated at a desk, while Mr Block and two others — one with a llama head, another with three circles for a head — are on a dais high above them.) Cavendish: So, in conclusion, did we wilfully disobey orders? Yes. But, it was to save all of humanity, as the chrono-video presentation (a screen lowers) my partner has prepared will prove. Dakota? (Dakota tosses a remote over his head and catches it. He presses a button, and the screen shows a scene from "The Little Engine That Couldn't": the antique fire engine is being propelled and dragged by its water tank, towing a tram behind it; Cavendish and Dakota are running to catch up with it. Cavendish is aghast.) Dakota: Oh look, you're gonna love this next one. (Dakota presses a button, and it shows a scene from "Time Out", where a swordfish skewers his pistachio cart.) Dakota: And that was fresh water! (Another scene: from "Secrets and Pies": Dakota and Cavendish are plugging holes in a pistachio silo with their fingers.) Oh, wait wait wait, wa-watch this. (Cavendish in the replay puts a finger on the silo, and it bursts.) Dakota: There we go! Yeah ok. Check this out. (Another scene: from "Time Out": a scuba tank rockets at the Tunisian shipment of pistachios and destroys it.) Dakota: Boom! (A scene from "Doctor Zone": Cavendish' and Dakota's pistachio stand rockets into the sky.) Dakota: Oh, I burned my eyebrows off with that one. (A scene from "Murphy's Lard": A flaming pig destroys the pistachio stand at Lard World.) Dakota: Yeah. Boom! (Another scene: Cavendish and Dakota walk frame by frame away from a pistachio truck.) Dakota: Oh, and here's us walking away from an explosion in slow motion. This is, this is cool. (The pistachio truck explodes.) Dakota: We kinda ruined it at the end by looking back. Yeah, there, but it was still cool. (Block looks at one of his colleagues in irritated confusion. Dakota turns off the screen.) Cavendish: Those are the clips you chose?! Dakota: What? It's funnier stuff, but you know, it's a... tough room. (Block looks as if he will explode.) Present-day Danville (Zack and Milo are fleeing medieval weaponry.) Zack: Stay positive! Stay positive! Stay positive! Stay positive! Milo: Okay. (takes out a map) We can get to school fast if we cut through Coyote Woods. Zack: Been there, done that, no way! Milo: How about Incurable Snake Bite Woods? Zack: Who's naming these woods?! Milo: So that's a "No" then? (The snowball goes over a natural ramp and flies out of view.) Zack: That's a "No". (Zack and Milo stop.) Milo: Hey, where'd the snowball go? (It crashes again to Earth, sending Zack and Milo flying on an ice floe.) Zack: Staying positive! Staying positive! (They skip on the river over which a bridge passes. A school bus goes over this particular bridge.) The school bus Mort: Look, it's Milo and Zack, adrift at sea like the unenlightened are adrift in an unexamined life. Bradley: (waving with his plant arm) Bon voyage, losers! Melissa: Zip it, Bradley. My unshovelled driveway has your name on it. Chad: There's a snowbank in my backyard with my name on it. Melissa: Chad, what did I tell you about oversharing? The ice floe on which Zack and Milo are Zack: Okay. Positive spin: — (A cargo ship passes, and Diogee barks.) Milo: Diogee, go home! (Diogee springs out of the pile of cargo.) Milo: He's not supposed to be on a barge. Zack: Who needs positive spin when we've got a grappling hook? (Takes one from Milo's backpack) Milo: Yeah, exactly. (Zack flings the grappling hook at the ship. Next shot, Zack and Milo are climbing the rope on the grappling hook.) Zack: Okay. Stay positive, climb. We're climbing, climbing, climb. Stay positive. We are positive, positive thoughts, climbing, staying positive. Positive! (A whale surfaces and eats Milo and Zack.) Jefferson County Middle School Bradley: Aha, and not a Milo in sight. Melissa: He'll make it. (Bradley starts into the school.) I hope. (Starts into the school) The Supreme Tribunal Block: The Tribunal has seen enough. We are ready to pass judgement. Dakota: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! It's easy for you to sit up there with your robes, your bad haircut, and whatever that circle guy is doing and pass judgement. Block: Well we are judges. It's what we do. Dakota: I know, but you don't know what we do! Going where you don't want to go, cleaning up messes you don't want to clean up. Risking our lives, losing our lives! Look at this man! (Gestures to Cavendish) Do you know how many times he has laid down his life for this job? (Cavendish starts, shocked, at Dakota's words "laid down his life", and appears to want Dakota to stop.) Crushed by steamrollers, devoured by raccoons, milked to death! All for you! You would not believe how many serious rules I've broken, and timelines I've altered, to go back and save him, (looks back to see Cavendish angry) and, uh, and the defence rests. (Cavendish puts his face in his hands, distraught.) Alien Llama Judge: You altered the timeline? Hundreds of times?! (Judge Concentric Circles, the circle-headed judge, says something unintelligible.) Block: Judge Concentric-Circles is correct. Cavendish and Dakota, you are hereby banished from time travel for life! (They wince) What's more, we're sending you back to the past so I don't even have to look at you anymore! Dakota: Yeah, maybe "milked to death" was too much information. The whale in which Zack and Milo are (From within the whale, Diogee barks.) Milo: Diogee! I told you to go home. He's not supposed to be in a whale's mouth. Zack: Okay. I've been trying to stay positive, but we're now inside an actual whale. I'm scared. Milo: (puts a hand on Zack's shoulder) Zack, it's okay. I get plenty scared sometimes, but I learned from my dad to forge ahead, even if I'm terrified. Zack: Wait, so it's okay to be afraid, as long as I don't let it stop me? (Milo nods) Wow! You hear that, fear? You're not stopping me!! Even though we've been stopped actually eaten by a whale!!! (pants) Milo: I'm impressed, Zack. Personally, I'm freakin' out!! A classroom (Everyone is seated. The clock shows twenty seconds to 8 a.m.) Bradley: Twenty seconds, Melissa. Are you still expecting a miracle? Melissa: A miracle or a Milo. Bradley: Behold the clock, Melissa! (Show it; it is within five seconds of 8 a.m. and counting.) Five, four, three, two, — (The bell rings. Melissa is aghast, and Bradley exults.) Bradley: Shovel. (hands Melissa one) Melissa: You brought a shovel to school? Bradley: And you didn't? Melissa: Milo didn't make it. I can't believe it. The whale Melissa: Where is he? Zack: Okay, focus on the solutions. Maybe we can crawl out of that hole in the top of its head. Milo: Zack! We're not living in a cartoon! Zack: Okay, what about your backpack? Milo: (names items as he takes them out) Um, some bungee cords, a car tire jack, a hammock, — (Diogee, floating in an inner tube, barks and flips over.) Zack: Ah, an inner tube! Good boy, Diogee. I've got an idea. (Milo fastens a bungee cord to one of the whale's teeth. Zack takes the other end away, and Milo gets out the jack.) Milo: I saw this in a movie once! (starts jacking the whale's mouth open) Krillhunter Seven: Krilling Me Softly. (Zack is in a hammock attached to the bungee cords, waiting to be launched out. Milo joins him.) Zack: It is not wide enough! Milo: It'll have to be! (Diogee jumps up and barks; Milo catches him.) (The whale starts closing its mouth, bending the jack.) Zack: Uh, the jack's gonna give! Milo: I guess it's now or never! (They are launched out.) Milo: Whew! Made it. Zack: (holding a tooth) Oops. I'm pretty sure this one was already loose. (They sail over an alien spacecraft.) Zack: Whew! We almost hit that UF— (They appear to hit the UFO. But it is actually a billboard for ''The Day the Earth Stood Krill.)'' Zack: Ow. (They fall and slide down backward on a toboggan chute, sailing over the alien spacecraft the other way.) Purple alien: (translated in subtitles from alien language) Once again we have come all this way to warn them of the coming danger and once again we have failed. Cyan alien: (translated) Wanna go get some nachos? Purple alien: (translated) Sure. (They pilot their spacecraft away.) Without Cavendish' and Dakota's place (They are sitting on the curb. Cavendish is wroth.) Dakota: Look, ugh, Cavendish, I'm sorry. I just — Cavendish: Eh. What are you gonna do? Dakota: Come on, buddy, bring it in. (Cavendish sobs into Dakota's shoulder.) That's it; let it out there, buddy. (Milo, Diogee, and Zack slide by in two inner tubes.) Milo: Oh, hi, guys. Cavendish: Murphy. Of course! (Milo, Zack, and Diogee stop.) Zack: Well, that was exciting. No spin needed. Looks like we officially missed first bell. You guys wouldn't mind taking us back five minutes, would you? Cavendish: Well, unfortunately, we've been banned from time travel. Milo: What? Why? Cavendish: Uh. Long story. Dakota: Yeah, we've been banned. (has an epiphany) But they haven't! The classroom Melissa: (holding the shovel) Milo didn't make it. I can't believe it. (The scene reverses to "5 Minutes earlier...") Bradley: Twenty seconds, Melissa! Are you still expecting a miracle? Melissa: A miracle, or a Milo. Bradley: Behold the clock, Melissa! Five, four, three — Milo: (from behind; Melissa and Bradley turn to look at him) What are you guys counting down? (The bell rings. Bradley scoots back to Milo's desk and convulses.) Bradley: Wait! How did you get here? Zack: Simple. Positive thinking. Melissa: Boom! (hands the shovel to Bradley) It's my world and we're all living in it Category:S Category:Transcript Category:Season 2 Transcripts